Our “transfer policy” seems to have taken a very familiar path this summer. And after thinking about it, maybe it is not Arsene Wenger and Arsenal’s intent to actually buy players (because that would be far too easy) but instead to just piss off any team that could be considered a “Top 4 Competitor”. The bids we are lodging are of a football club who have lost touch with reality. If it would be hilarious if it wasn’t so depressing.
We put in bids which are well off the players valuation, get publicly slated by the other club and then look like a bunch of amateurish fucktards.
Let’s look at the evidence. We bid £30 million for Luis Suarez from Liverpool. They turn around and label the bid “derisory”. We put in another bid, this time £40 million and £1. Then we’re called crass and lacking class. And if you’re objective about it, then you can’t disagree. The first bid was never going to be accepted in a million years, and the second is one that basically admits we know about a release clause and Liverpool are obviously miffed because how did we even find out about it? Because it wouldn’t have been through “proper” channels. So in the end, without placing a bid that would actually be seriously considered, we’ve just succeeded in pissing off Liverpool and unsettling the player.
Then onto Newcastle and Yohan Cabaye. Every Arsenal fans favourite manager Alan Pardew was livid at our £10 million bid. He talked about how unprofessional it was that Arsenal bid on the eve of a big game and how “derisory” the offer was. So again, we’ve unsettled the player (as he was dropped for the game against Manchester City) and succeeded in pissing off Newcastle.
So where do we go from here?
If we follow the pattern we can probably predict what is going to happen next.
Who are the teams we can consider rivals for 4th place in the Premier League? There’s Liverpool, Tottenham, Newcastle and Everton realistically.
So the only two teams we haven’t annoyed yet and unsettled their best players are Tottenham and Everton.
Pissing off Everton is easy. Marouane Fellaini and Leighton Baines are their best players so following Manchester United’s failed bid of £28 million for them both, we can lodge a bid of £28 million plus £1. £29 million or £30 million is far too civilised so adding a pound to the Manchester United bid will have the desired effect.
But how about Tottenham? We can’t really bid for Gareth Bale because Real Madrid put an offer of £86 million and that was turned down. But then again thinking about it, we could offer £20 million plus Nicklas Bendtner on the last day of the transfer window and hopefully that would annoy them or at the very least confuse them to the extent that it might knock them off their stride, given we’ve valued Bendtner at £70 million and £3.